The Pneumonia

 I've been MIA lately. I thought I had a bad cold, which I guess is possibly what it was before I ignored it. I have pneumonia. It's one of those things that people don't just 'get', at least not in my world. I want to talk about how I felt before and after I got a dianosis. I was sick for about a month (give or take some days, it's all a blurr of coughing fits and grumpy kids). A few family members (including my three year old) had this bad cough that hung on for a couple weeks, I got it right about the time my son was starting to get over it. I mostly dealt with it, then about 2 weeks ago I started feeling worse. I spent as much time as possible in bed that first week still trying to deal with kids and make dinner, then Monday I got a bad migraine which set me over the edge. I decided I would suck it up and go to urgent care, feeling guilty because it costs money that my family doesn't have (we are uninsured now that my husband is laid off, because with my husbands current company, health care would be roughly $900 a month for our family) I went to the first walk in place and left because of the cost. On to urgent care number two. I waited and waited, then after the nurse finally got my blood pressure (they had to go find the tiny cuff because my arm was too small for the bigger one that she had with her) the doctor came in and listened and talked and finally told me I had pneumonia. Until that point I felt guilty for being there. I felt like I was wasting my family's resources, that I was over reacting and being a baby. I had convinced myself that I wasn't worth going in because it couldn't be 'that bad'. I got  my three prescriptions and called my husband with the news. Everyone else knew I was sicker than I thought, but I ignored it. I couldn't believe that I could get that sick from a cough or that I should 'waste' money going to the doctor over it. I was wrong. I'm not going to be ignoring my body in the future.
 I'll tell you this, pneumonia feels like someone is stabbing you in the lungs from the inside. It HURTS. Thank God for that migraine (aka His slap upside the head to go get help).
 Do you ever feel guilty for getting sick? I apologize to my husband every time I catch anything. I feel so bad that I am brought down and not able to do all my chores and keep up with the kids as well. I wonder to myself where that guilt is coming from.